The blast hit hard.
Two vehicles disabled. Troops scattered. Dust clouding your vision. The kind of chaos where adrenaline takes over and your training kicks in whether you like it or not.
I was giving orders, returning fire, securing the perimeter, calling in MEDEVACs. The checklist was running through my head like muscle memory. This was what I was trained for. And for a moment, I believed I was doing everything right.
Once it all settled, the enemy had retreated, the last MEDEVAC helo was there awaiting to be given the green light to take off, my Company Sergeant-Major walked over. No panic, no yelling. Just a firm, quiet voice:
“Sir… check yourself.”
I looked down.
Blood. Soaking through my pants. My own.
I had been wounded and didn’t even know it.
A quick self assessment, a click of the radio
“2IC… take over”
We were sitting in a hot, cramped training room during our pre-deployment preparation for Afghanistan in 2009. We had been cycling through tactical briefings, SOP reviews, and all the typical doctrine. Most of it was necessary but dry—until this guy had walked in.
One of the officers who had returned from a rotation. Weathered. Calm. Not trying to impress anyone. He didn’t open with theory or doctrine. He opened with that story. To be clear, this was not my story, I was on the reciving end. Learning about “incident management” but what I took away was more than any battle SOP could teach me – it was a lesson that sometimes you need to “take a knee.”
You Don’t Have to Bleed to Be a Liability
That story wasn’t about combat. Not really.
It was about leadership.
Because in everyday life—in your business, your team, your unit—you’re not bleeding from the leg. But you might be bleeding in other ways:
- Emotionally exhausted.
- Mentally foggy.
- Sharp with your team.
- Avoiding decisions.
- Losing clarity.
- Clutching control just to feel like you still have it.
I’ve been there.
I’ve caught myself snapping when I meant to coach. Overriding people I should have trusted. Checking out in meetings while pretending to be engaged.
The most dangerous part?
It doesn’t feel like a crisis. It just feels like being tired.
But tired turns into fog. Fog turns into reactivity. Reactivity turns into your team walking on eggshells. And by the time you notice, they’ve already started managing you instead of the mission.
The Descent Into Liability Isn’t Obvious—Until It Is
You don’t wake up one day as “the problem.” It creeps in.
You’re under pressure. You’re overloaded. You tell yourself it’s just a hard season. You’ll catch your breath next week.
Meanwhile, your team watches you shift:
- From approachable to unpredictable.
- From present to preoccupied.
- From inspiring to intimidating.
They stop bringing you problems—not because there aren’t any, but because you’ve become one of them.
Not because you’re a bad leader.
But because you didn’t notice how far off center you’d drifted.
The Signs You’re No Longer Leading—You’re Leaking
Here’s how to spot it before someone else has to:
- You’re reactive. You interrupt more. Snap faster. You start seeing your team as friction instead of force multipliers.
- Your team is managing you. They censor themselves. Avoid tough topics. Watch your moods before making decisions.
- You’re stuck in conflict. Little things escalate. You take feedback personally. You start arguments to avoid real conversations.
- You’re drained. The tank’s empty. And no amount of sleep, caffeine, or distraction is fixing it.
- You’re foggy. Decisions feel harder than they should. You spin on things you used to resolve quickly.
Three of these? You’re close to the line.
All five?
You’re already over it.
Why “Push Through” Is the Most Dangerous Lie We Tell Ourselves
Let’s kill the myth right here:
“Real leaders don’t quit. They push through.”
That’s not leadership. That’s ego with a PR agent.
Real leaders protect the mission—even if that means stepping back.
You wouldn’t stay in the cockpit with blurred vision and a busted arm. But somehow, when it’s emotional, mental, or psychological fatigue, we think white-knuckling is noble.
It’s not.
It’s a liability disguised as loyalty.
Stepping Back Isn’t Weakness. It’s a Tactic.
Getting on the helo isn’t quitting.
It’s acknowledging that you’ve crossed the line where leading becomes damage control.
It’s saying:
- “I need a pause so I don’t make things worse.”
- “The team deserves me at my best—and I’m not there.”
- “This mission matters too much to pretend I’m fine.”
You don’t have to disappear. You don’t have to drop everything.
But you do have to stop long enough to reset.
Because if you don’t check yourself, the mission will check you. Or worse, the team will suffer for your silence.
The Impact of Staying Too Long in the Fight
Here’s what happens when you refuse to step back:
- Your team stops giving you the truth.
- They start solving problems around you instead of with you.
- They resent you—even if they won’t say it.
- They lose trust in your judgment.
- And eventually, they disengage from the mission altogether.
That’s the irony.
The longer you stay in “because they need me,” the more likely it is that you’re the reason they’re slipping.
You Know It’s Time When…
The tipping point isn’t always dramatic.
Sometimes it’s quiet.
Sometimes it’s when you realize you’re avoiding your best people.
Sometimes it’s when a meeting ends and you have no memory of it.
Sometimes it’s when the smallest request feels like too much.
And sometimes, it’s when someone finally says it out loud:
“Sir… check yourself.”
“Ma’am, are you okay?”
“Hey, we’ve got this—maybe you should sit this one out.”
Don’t Wait for the Room to Go Silent
Here’s what no one tells you:
Your team already knows.
They’ve seen the fatigue. They’ve noticed the shift. They’ve adapted around you because they care about you—or because they’re scared of you.
So the question isn’t whether they’ll notice.
The question is whether you’ll be the one to name it first.
If you’re waiting for permission, this is it:
You’re allowed to step back.
And if that feels terrifying?
Good.
Because the hardest decisions in leadership are the ones that cost your ego.
Final Word: You Can’t Coach a Team That’s Surviving You
Leadership is supposed to stretch you. But it’s not supposed to break you—or them.
The officer in that story? He got on the helo. He didn’t make a speech. He didn’t try to finish the mission on adrenaline and stubbornness.
He stepped out because he knew his presence had become a risk.
He trusted his team to carry the rest.
And they did.
That’s not failure.
That’s legacy.
Because the mark of a great leader isn’t how long they stay in the fight.
It’s whether the people they’ve led can keep moving without them—and still carry what matters.
So if you’re bleeding?
If your presence is becoming the problem?
If your team is starting to flinch when you walk in the room?
Then please—
Get on the damn helo.
Need Help Figuring Out If You’re There?
Let’s talk. No sales pitch. No bullshit.
Just 30 minutes to assess whether you’re leading… or leaking.
👉 Book a Leadership Clarity Call
I’ll walk you through a real-time self-assessment. You’ll walk away with one of three things:
- A green light — you’re good, just need a reset.
- A yellow light — signs are there, time to recalibrate.
- A red light — you’re bleeding, and it’s time to act.