The blast hit hard.
Two vehicles disabled. Troops scattered. Dust clouding your vision. The kind of chaos where adrenaline takes over and your training kicks in whether you like it or not.
I was giving orders, returning fire, securing the perimeter, calling in MEDEVACs. The checklist was running through my head like muscle memory. This was what I was trained for. And for a moment, I believed I was doing everything right.
Once it all settled, the enemy had retreated, the last MEDEVAC helo was there awaiting to be given the green light to take off, my Company Sergeant-Major walked over. No panic, no yelling. Just a firm, quiet voice:
โSirโฆ check yourself.โ
I looked down.
Blood. Soaking through my pants. My own.
I had been wounded and didnโt even know it.
A quick self assessment, a click of the radio
“2IC… take over”
We were sitting in a hot, cramped training room during our pre-deployment preparation for Afghanistan in 2009. We had been cycling through tactical briefings, SOP reviews, and all the typical doctrine. Most of it was necessary but dryโuntil this guy had walked in.
One of the officers who had returned from a rotation. Weathered. Calm. Not trying to impress anyone. He didnโt open with theory or doctrine. He opened with that story. To be clear, this was not my story, I was on the reciving end. Learning about “incident management” but what I took away was more than any battle SOP could teach me – it was a lesson that sometimes you need to “take a knee.”
You Donโt Have to Bleed to Be a Liability
That story wasnโt about combat. Not really.
It was about leadership.
Because in everyday lifeโin your business, your team, your unitโyouโre not bleeding from the leg. But you might be bleeding in other ways:
- Emotionally exhausted.
- Mentally foggy.
- Sharp with your team.
- Avoiding decisions.
- Losing clarity.
- Clutching control just to feel like you still have it.
Iโve been there.
Iโve caught myself snapping when I meant to coach. Overriding people I should have trusted. Checking out in meetings while pretending to be engaged.
The most dangerous part?
It doesnโt feel like a crisis. It just feels like being tired.
But tired turns into fog. Fog turns into reactivity. Reactivity turns into your team walking on eggshells. And by the time you notice, theyโve already started managing you instead of the mission.
The Descent Into Liability Isnโt ObviousโUntil It Is
You donโt wake up one day as โthe problem.โ It creeps in.
Youโre under pressure. Youโre overloaded. You tell yourself itโs just a hard season. Youโll catch your breath next week.
Meanwhile, your team watches you shift:
- From approachable to unpredictable.
- From present to preoccupied.
- From inspiring to intimidating.
They stop bringing you problemsโnot because there arenโt any, but because youโve become one of them.
Not because youโre a bad leader.
But because you didnโt notice how far off center youโd drifted.
The Signs You’re No Longer LeadingโYou’re Leaking
Hereโs how to spot it before someone else has to:
- Youโre reactive. You interrupt more. Snap faster. You start seeing your team as friction instead of force multipliers.
- Your team is managing you. They censor themselves. Avoid tough topics. Watch your moods before making decisions.
- Youโre stuck in conflict. Little things escalate. You take feedback personally. You start arguments to avoid real conversations.
- Youโre drained. The tankโs empty. And no amount of sleep, caffeine, or distraction is fixing it.
- Youโre foggy. Decisions feel harder than they should. You spin on things you used to resolve quickly.
Three of these? Youโre close to the line.
All five?
Youโre already over it.
Why “Push Through” Is the Most Dangerous Lie We Tell Ourselves
Letโs kill the myth right here:
โReal leaders donโt quit. They push through.โ
Thatโs not leadership. Thatโs ego with a PR agent.
Real leaders protect the missionโeven if that means stepping back.
You wouldnโt stay in the cockpit with blurred vision and a busted arm. But somehow, when itโs emotional, mental, or psychological fatigue, we think white-knuckling is noble.
Itโs not.
Itโs a liability disguised as loyalty.
Stepping Back Isnโt Weakness. Itโs a Tactic.
Getting on the helo isnโt quitting.
Itโs acknowledging that youโve crossed the line where leading becomes damage control.
Itโs saying:
- โI need a pause so I donโt make things worse.โ
- โThe team deserves me at my bestโand Iโm not there.โ
- โThis mission matters too much to pretend Iโm fine.โ
You donโt have to disappear. You donโt have to drop everything.
But you do have to stop long enough to reset.
Because if you donโt check yourself, the mission will check you. Or worse, the team will suffer for your silence.
The Impact of Staying Too Long in the Fight
Hereโs what happens when you refuse to step back:
- Your team stops giving you the truth.
- They start solving problems around you instead of with you.
- They resent youโeven if they wonโt say it.
- They lose trust in your judgment.
- And eventually, they disengage from the mission altogether.
Thatโs the irony.
The longer you stay in โbecause they need me,โ the more likely it is that youโre the reason theyโre slipping.
You Know It’s Time Whenโฆ
The tipping point isnโt always dramatic.
Sometimes itโs quiet.
Sometimes itโs when you realize youโre avoiding your best people.
Sometimes itโs when a meeting ends and you have no memory of it.
Sometimes itโs when the smallest request feels like too much.
And sometimes, itโs when someone finally says it out loud:
โSirโฆ check yourself.โ
โMaโam, are you okay?โ
โHey, weโve got thisโmaybe you should sit this one out.โ
Donโt Wait for the Room to Go Silent
Hereโs what no one tells you:
Your team already knows.
Theyโve seen the fatigue. Theyโve noticed the shift. Theyโve adapted around you because they care about youโor because theyโre scared of you.
So the question isnโt whether theyโll notice.
The question is whether youโll be the one to name it first.
If youโre waiting for permission, this is it:
Youโre allowed to step back.
And if that feels terrifying?
Good.
Because the hardest decisions in leadership are the ones that cost your ego.
Final Word: You Canโt Coach a Team Thatโs Surviving You
Leadership is supposed to stretch you. But itโs not supposed to break youโor them.
The officer in that story? He got on the helo. He didnโt make a speech. He didnโt try to finish the mission on adrenaline and stubbornness.
He stepped out because he knew his presence had become a risk.
He trusted his team to carry the rest.
And they did.
Thatโs not failure.
Thatโs legacy.
Because the mark of a great leader isnโt how long they stay in the fight.
Itโs whether the people theyโve led can keep moving without themโand still carry what matters.
So if youโre bleeding?
If your presence is becoming the problem?
If your team is starting to flinch when you walk in the room?
Then pleaseโ
Get on the damn helo.
Need Help Figuring Out If Youโre There?
Letโs talk. No sales pitch. No bullshit.
Just 30 minutes to assess whether youโre leadingโฆ or leaking.
๐ Book a Leadership Clarity Call
Iโll walk you through a real-time self-assessment. Youโll walk away with one of three things:
- A green light โ youโre good, just need a reset.
- A yellow light โ signs are there, time to recalibrate.
- A red light โ youโre bleeding, and itโs time to act.